make my dreams come true

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

 
I didn't wanna blog. But im now waiting for my game(s) to download finish.
And unintentionally, i clicked on blogger home and thus here i am blogging.

Over this past half year, I've been reading TONNES and tonnes of blogs and hearing tonnes and tonnes of people who had broken up. And they are mostly long-termed r/s. (including mine)

I know its none of my concern at all, but the thought of a failed relationship just (almost) bring tears to my eyes. Whatever the reason/cause for the failed r/s, be it betrayal, compatibility etc etc...

Sometimes, after putting up for so long, humans just break down/hit the limit and just let go of what they have been holding on for what seems like ages. (Im tearing as im typing this. Gosh wad is wrong with me, not as though I am going through this period now.)

My r/s had been on-off as many have known. I feel so insecure blogging this out. But hey, he doesn't know my blog, he didn't have the new address to it. At least some part of me feels better. HAHAHA

Just like a couple of other female bloggers who have (ex)boyfriends reading their blogs and feeling uncomfortable about it. Perhaps that's why i finally decided that he shall not know the address of my "new" blog after that supposedly 1.5 months of breaking up.

And yes we got back together(again)...

The future lies the unknown for which i cannot foretell.
There are indeed questions that need answers but i have chosen to bury them.
There's this paranoia within me that is causing me to trust nobody else, not even myself.

And i don't know if i can stick to the agreement that we had if i was to be brought down by disappointment AGAIN.

Every bad experience and encounter leaves you more breathless and afraid than before.
How am i going to stand back on my feet, gain back my confidence, put back a smile on my face and most importantly my self-esteem?

When a r/s fails, it's never just one's fault, for it takes 2 hands to clap.
But there might have a problem somewhere right in the beginning, but where?

I don't know what am i rambling on about. It seems so random and so disorganized, everything is everything.

I think i should return to my game instead.
At least that makes more sense.

I need a break. Perhaps just some quality time alone
Time where nobody(friends/family) comes into contact with me.
I need more than just a simple holiday.
I need a space of my own.

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