make my dreams come true

Monday, November 28, 2005

 
i am currently listening to

Westlife : Face To Face album.

I FIANLLY BOUGHT IT. now i am not just broke. but VERY BROKE.

brunched with hans at CWP. decided on somewhere near cause he needs to rest and so do i. Ate a tiny bit. Ate yong tau fu(soup) and i didnt even finish it by myself. =( he claims and insist i am anorexic.

and he claims i look the same. *LAUGHS

maybe that sinful Pure vanilla i had last wednesday? made me gained back. LOL

Causeway Point is ever "oh-so-boring"....
Gimme one hour and im done. LOL

Ballads. Yes i needed that now.westlife always know when to make me relax. =)

He hasnt done what he said he'd do. I am not angry. I have no enery to get angry. Besides i cannot walk long distances now without feeling tired and drained. (again he says cause im not eating).

I AM EATING lesser.

What is wrong with everybody. When im my normal me, u guys always, yes ALWAYS make me eat lesser. Now im eating lesser, im asked to EAT MORE?

Contradictions.

Its running through the back of my mind. I know things people think i dont. I know things that people wont want me to know. Sometimes i wish i know nothing. It's hard to know so much, know that people know u dont know. And u have to act like u dont. U have to pretend u know nothing. U cannot do anything even though u know.

I hate this feeling.

I have so much i wanna say to you. Yet everytime i see you, words just cant come out.I wanna tell u how much i love you. I cant. I wanna hug u, but i cant. I wanna just stare at you and smile, i cant. IF only there is a way, a way that can make u know what im feeling without me saying. A way to let u read my mind.

I am not grumbling for the short time i saw you. I am pleased(even though u forgot to bring the basic theory book). Nothing matters den just being able to see. Nothing matters den every single second i get to spend with you.

I know it seems as though i can only let u know my innermost thoughts and feelings through here. Cause i cant seem to tell you. I can never seem to be able to pour out my feelings in front of you.

Just bear in mind.
This time around, im not the me u usually see.
and i will protect both you and her if i need to.
This is our lives and it concerns none of them.
I will do all i can
cause i love you. =)

November has been a month of disappointments :

Him.
Harry Potter.
Westlife album.(YES, quite a disappointment though.)
Sister's PSLE result.
myself.

nonethless, there's good times too.

clubbing.
financial stability? *laughs.
getting my own com.
that im not just "me".

I wish for yr 2006 to come QUICKLY. this year has been far too happening for me. FAR TOO happening.

im very tempted to change back to using Xanga.com
i started off with xanga didnt i. Been blogging for more den 2 years now.

Of which, these 4 pple has seen me change. The 3 gers and the guy. =)
The most important of my lives.
From a stupid fierce netball captain to wad i am now.
From can cafe to Le meridien.
From glasses to contact lens.
From tomboy to all-girl girl.
From a "anti make up go for all natural look" to the makeup freak now.
From 3 years ago, to now.

Changes. We are all strong individuals. (okay im not)
Joa is the ever so "OKAYyyyyy" and just dont give a damn girl.
Ying is the ever so "cool" girl.
Qi is the ever so emotional girl.
Hans is the ever so logical guy.

ME? i dont know. its for u to judge.
Im just a "always must try to look cheerful", " dont give a damn about criticism", "bimbotic" girl.

Sometimes, its hard to just bring yourself away from all this pretence. Because people are so used to you. They are so used to seeing you like THAT, that they find u not U when u are acting like this. Its hard.

That's why i have blocked out my thoughts too. I have chosen to keep quiet and mum about things.

Life is difficult. Very difficult.
And it would be tougher, if u werent with me.

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